SPAM: An e-mail-type substance

Twice each day, the spam blocker at work sends me a report of all the emails it blocked.

I'd like to share some of the subject lines of those spam emails, as they are written, as well as my initial reaction. Some of the content is not for the faint of heart, so if you're uncomfortable talking about items in the "penile region" look away now and skip to the bottom.

Life with a small friend always seems smaller.
Being a short person, I disagree. You must be really tall.

Get a watch that will stay with you in all the troubles.
Right. Go with the watch. Screw the retirement fund.

Have the greatest manhood in your close neighborhood
Define "close."

Your little friend will grow like mushrooms after the rain bigger and bigger.
Hello? Walgreens? I need some penicillin.

WIth this you'll easily find approach to every female you want.
Is it a dictionary?

Nominated for MSC
Unless MSC stands for Massive Shoe Collection, I'm not interested.

PDF it and it is a lot of another
You first.

I've also had offers for master's bachelor's and even an associate's degree (can you believe I took a pass on an associate's degree???) as well as other enhancement, growth, diet, timepiece, plutonium offer emails. What's the best offer you've had? It won't be as much fun, but try and keep it clean.