The fire department is on speed dial

We had an interesting afternoon here, but before I can tell you about it, you need some back story.

Yesterday, I cooked for my in-laws. I made roast turkey with all the fixin's. Only I don't have a roasting pan, so I used a large rectangle pan instead.

Somewhere between the chicken broth and the meat juices, the turkey seriously boiled over into the oven. A lot. So much that the house smoked up while the turkey was still in the oven. When it was time to serve dinner, my nephew asked, "Are we having a smokey dinner?"

Today when I got home from work, I decided to fix the oven mess. I set the dial to self clean, locked the door and walked away.

About an hour later, we were in the kitchen making dinner when Tim burst out, "Holy shit!"

There were flames inside the oven. Great orange flames that licked the oven door window.

We managed to keep it under control--no fire department was necessary. And no damage was done to the oven (damn). The only issue right now is the house stinks like burnt turkey feathers. We tried opening the windows, but one can only do that for so long in March in Michigan.

While the turkey was pretty good, I'm going to have to get used to eating crow, I guess. You see, I made fun of Tim mercilessly on his last birthday because he had fire extinguishers on his wish list. And I'm doubly glad he got one.

Customer service all over the world

Our laptop has been in need of medical attention. The power cord had a short in it, so several weeks ago Tim ordered a replacement cord online from Dell, the company that manufactured the computer.

When it came, it didn't fit in the computer. Not much good for us. So, he sent it back, ordered a different cord and paid for next-day delivery service. We need the power cord today because we're going to Orlando tomorrow and he needs it for his presentation, but more importantly, I need it to keep up with my travel blog. We have our priorities.

So, the new cord was on our porch when we came home from work today. Only this time the cord fit into the back of the computer, but the two cords (one that goes into the wall with the convertor box attached and the other that goes from the convertor box to the computer) don't fit together. At all.

Calmly, Tim called Dell to explain the difficulty. Round about the fourth time he was transfered--including a stop in tech support, so they could help him PLUG IN THE COMPUTER--his temper started to fray. Imagine that.

I knew he finally had enough when, in a saccharine tone he said, "Yes, that would be great. Transfer me now. Yes, now. Chop, chop."

And then they hung up on him.

A permanent solution to an age-old problem.

On a mother/daughter shopping trip this weekend...

Mom: Look at this! It's a snore-no-more pillow. I should get one for your dad.

Me: You know how that pillow works?

Mom: How?

Me: When the person starts snoring, you take that fancy pillow and hold it over their face until they stop.

Mom: Huh. That would do it.

Signs of hope

It's been raining here all weekend. But that's alright by me. Know why? Because it isn't snow.

Friday was absolutely beautiful. It was sunny and warm. So warm, in fact, that I took our outside Christmas lights down (this is not uncommon, trust me). And it was even so gorgeous out, that I found a few things that made me smile:







Don't worry. I'm not fooled for a moment, though. I've lived in Michigan long enough to know that spring isn't officially here until Fourth of July weekend. It's just nice to have a little hope.

SPAM: An e-mail-type substance

Twice each day, the spam blocker at work sends me a report of all the emails it blocked.

I'd like to share some of the subject lines of those spam emails, as they are written, as well as my initial reaction. Some of the content is not for the faint of heart, so if you're uncomfortable talking about items in the "penile region" look away now and skip to the bottom.

Life with a small friend always seems smaller.
Being a short person, I disagree. You must be really tall.

Get a watch that will stay with you in all the troubles.
Right. Go with the watch. Screw the retirement fund.

Have the greatest manhood in your close neighborhood
Define "close."

Your little friend will grow like mushrooms after the rain bigger and bigger.
Hello? Walgreens? I need some penicillin.

WIth this you'll easily find approach to every female you want.
Is it a dictionary?

Nominated for MSC
Unless MSC stands for Massive Shoe Collection, I'm not interested.

PDF it and it is a lot of another
You first.

I've also had offers for master's bachelor's and even an associate's degree (can you believe I took a pass on an associate's degree???) as well as other enhancement, growth, diet, timepiece, plutonium offer emails. What's the best offer you've had? It won't be as much fun, but try and keep it clean.

Clarification

Heretofore and forever more, my husband requests that I not refer to him as "my beloved" in this blog. He said I should call him Tim (which is his name--a novel thought). I disagree. I think he should be called Fuzzy Face.

Getting hit by lightening? Way more likely.

I'm not a lucky person. It's very rare that I ever win a contest, drawing, raffle, anything. This proves it:



Out of more than 20 numbers, I only hit one. And it isn't even the power ball.